I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize