My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
