What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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