Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize