every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
