you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
