Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
