she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
