He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
