my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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