i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize