dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize