i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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