My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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