please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
