So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
