Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
