This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
