Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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