Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
