I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
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