I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
how does that bad decision feel?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
