I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
