I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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