so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
time to smoke my breakfast
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
