For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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