I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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