Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
