I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
