Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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