He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
