Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
