i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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