Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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