I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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