Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
