Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
