apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
