We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
