ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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