I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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