Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
