After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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