i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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