thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
