When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
