Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
