I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
