I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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