Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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