Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
