How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
