is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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