oh god the rape fog is back!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
