if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can I color on your dick again?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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