i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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