Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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