i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
