So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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