I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
