Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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