Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
