I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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