after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize