I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Blood and glitter go together right?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
