I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
