i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
