based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
