Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
