It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
