You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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